my hair story

Day 7 of AEM and NaBloPoMo and posting pictures and Yoga.

My Glam Self-photo shoot for the Self Portrait Challenge.

My mom tells me that when I was a little girl she would scotch tape bows to my hair because it was so fine and thin and white.

I was extremely jealous of my older sister and cousin who both had dark, thick, long hair. They would crack eggs and massage them into my head to help my hair grow.

After my father and controlling step mother married (when I was 8) she decided she needed to control our hair. She cut all (four of us; me, my sister, and two brothers) of our hair off herself. I cried and cried. and my mother yelled and screamed at my father over the phone. Fights about our hair continued for years. I remember being taken to Mr.No Frills haircutters and my step mother telling the stylist to cut our hair short. When my step mother would go outside to smoke I would beg the stylist to cut off as little as possible.

My step mother decided (when I was about 12) to stop paying for such luxuries as shampoo and toothpaste and haircuts. I tried to grow out my hair. But my hair grows very slow and I often wanted some stylist to magically make my hair look beautiful. I remember becoming obsessed with this ad in the back of Seventeen magazine. There was this special shampoo for sale that could transform your thin hair into long gorgeous locks. I can still visualize the picture in the ad. And the ad promised the shampoo came in a discreet package; perfect because my step mother often opened and read our mail. But my babysitting money was always used for neccessities and presents for my friends and family that there was never enough to get the special shampoo that I dreamed would transform my life.

{After I dropped Ethan off at school I began looking through old photos, but the process became too painful. I just don't want to go there today. I only am sharing this one photo from before the divorce (I think I am about 4) and the rest are from when my step mother was out of my life.}

me at the beach ~1994

me and my mommy ~1997

 

me and Jodi ~1999

me and my niece Sammie ~2000

 

me and newborn Ethan ~2002

When I became a stay at home Mama (3 years ago) I decided hair cuts were something I could do without. I didn't need to spend the money and time. It has always been easier for me to just put up my long hair in a cute pony tail with a barrette then it is to style my hair when it is short.

Having long hair has also made me feel more powerful at times.

I like my hair long.

But I think I am ready to let it go.

My sister says my long hair is too young for me, that I look "hippy-ish and outdated." My sister I trust more than anyone in the world. I know she has no ulterior motives when she gives me her opinion. But we don't always agree. Sean says he likes my hair at every length. Except I don't think he loved the bangs and he kind of cringed when I showed him my prom picture.

me and my mommy ~1988

I looked into giving my hair to Locks of Love. I read that some salons offer discounts and will send the hair for you. If I get it cut I would have to find a good stylist which is not always easy. I have cried too many times over my hair.

But not in the last 3 years!

Not sure what I should do...

me and my roommate Nicole in Atlanta. Halloween ~1998

If I do get my hair cut I think it will be like this; a bob without many layers.

   

I am liking photography more and more. For the first time I am understanding and really appreciating the art of photography.

Comments

[Bob]

I should add that my wife has hair to her tailbone, and she's almost 50! Plus, I suspect that Locks of Love is a fraud, so unless someone REALLY wants to cut anyway, keep your hair. Bob

[Bob]

Long hair is majestic and riveting on women of all ages. It's especially true after 35. The ladies with the tresses are almost always the most alluring to me. I think that short haired ladies encourage others to chop purely out of jealousy! Bob

[elliott]

am growing my hair now i've heard your story you made up my mined x

[Marilyn]

Hooboy, do we (women) have issues with our hair, or what? I'm not sure men can truly understand what kinds of deep emotions we associate with our hair. Do what feels right for YOU, Melba...in your own time. You'll know whether or not you really want to cut it. I have plenty of hair stories, but I'll simply say this. After I got with J, I started letting my hair grow...and although most would say I was way too old for long hair, I loved my long hair. And when it had served its purpose, I lopped it off to a shorter cut and felt great about that decision. But I had to do it when I was ready to do it. I think you look great with any style. :)

[lia]

Ohmygosh. I love this post. HAIR and all the hairy stuff of life. You should make this story into a mini book. I'm sure so many of us identify and we could all go back and find similar pics of bobs and braids. so interesting how you related everything in this story. You are a GREAT story teller and the picture choices were great. oh, your stepmother, it is unfortunate you had to endure that. it makes me so angry when I think of how peoples ignorance has such a profound effect on a young child. the thing to remember is she was the one with the problem in how she viewed things.
melba, you have many gifts, you are so kind to share them with others. I know it is what makes you happy. keep it up. xxoo Lia

[Jana]

Melba, your stepmom considered shampoo and toothpaste to be LUXURIES?? That's beyond evil. Especially to a 12 year old... when boys are starting to like girls, and girls are trying to impress all the boys... yeah. That's evil.

Since everyone's giving opinions on the hair... I thing it's beautiful every way except for the short bangs... those were a little frightening. :o)

My hair is fine like that too... my mom didn't even try to do it, she just kept it cut like a little Amish boy's hair. Hmmm... speaking of that... I think when I get home, I'm going to scan some pics and make a "Hair Horror Stories" post. :o) The Amish boy cut surely qualifies.

[Snowbear]

Looks like you have the real Cinderella story to tell~sorry to hear you had to endure so much so young.
Sounds like you made it to the ball though.eh?
;-)

[kristen]

I think you look great with your hair long or short, you're lucky like that. I also think it's an amazing thing to do, donating to locks of love. Hard to find the hairdresser......I still go into the city to get my haircut so I don't have old lady short hair, which I see all over my town. (=

[bee]

i'm glad you survived...i am so angry at your stepmother right now, though. what a wonderful spirit you are.

i think hair is such a metaphor...i grow mine long and then realize i hide behind it too much, so then i cut it again...i just cut it.

i can't wait to see what you do with yours, since it is such a powerful symbol for you.

[la vie en rose]

you are stunning! simply stunning!

reading about the pain your step-mother caused you makes my heart grieve. so much of someone else's shit to work through to find healing...ugh! i think in every single one of these photos your hair is gorgeous!

[mom on a wire]

I am so very jealous of your long, beautiful locks!!

[loralee]

Do not do anything that you don't want to do. This isn't just about how you look. You have some pretty powerful emotions connected to your hair.

I think you look beautiful.

[Tammy]

I had to come and re-read this post before commenting!

It's amazing that hair has such power over us! I've never been one to cry over my hair, but having a great haircut really does make a difference in how I feel about myself!

I'm an experimenter though - I have only had LONG hair once - it was all one length and quite pretty, but it wasn't for me! It drove me crazy! So, I chopped it off and I did send the ponytail they cut off to Locks of Love!

I think you look fantastic with all of your different styles (including the big 80s hair!) You'll know when you're ready, fully ready, for a change! It can be very liberating to have a major hair change too!

Again, your openness and honesty just blow me away! I appreciate that you write this and then share it with all of us. I haven't been able to be this honest even with myself, let alone on my blog to share!

Hugs!!

[Colorsonmymind]

I think you look really great with a short hair cut. I wish so much that I liked my hair in a bob-it is beautiful. Your hair doesn't look thin at all-especially in the shorter styles-it looks thick to me.

Whatever you choose to do it will be pretty:)

[Angela]

This was a really touching post. Your glam pictures are beautiful.

I think the most important thing that you remember through your process with your hair is that you are in complete control now. Even in getting your hair cut you control everything, they style the length. No one can tell you what to do with it know. It's horrible that you had to go through that sort of controlling abuse.

I love your site. I can't wait to read more.

[SuZieQ]

Fantastic post, Melba! You are glorious, with or without your long hair... Love the photo's thru the ages, and the stripey socks are fabulous!:D
Much Love,
Q xXx

[girlfriday]

Love the glam photos ... you look gorgeous both with long loose curls AND with a bobbed style! Great to have the opportunity to make your own choices for your life.

[Bedazzzled1]

Your hair is GORGEOUS. You are certainly young enough to wear it long. I am the old broad who recently cut off a good six or seven inches from mine, because I AM too old for long hair. I looked like I rode a broom, for cryin' out loud. But youuuu, you look beautiful with your long locks.

Love all the photos you posted. Thank you for sharing your story, too. I cannot believe how cruel your stepmother was. I am sorry you had to go through that sort of thing.

[Planet Shannon]

Absolutely Fabulous pics, Glam glam and more Glam! Its amazing how strongly people feel about their hair and how strongly tied it can be to identity. Brave post Melba :)

[amber]

First of all, I love your glam shots! Very Marilyn Monroe sexy beautiful. You look great.

I like your long hair, and I don't think you are too old for long hair. Look at Jane Seymore (Dr Quinn?). She has always had longer hair, and looks great. However, I think it depends on the health and condition. Sometimes finer hair can look dried or broken, and just needs a cut to get healthy again. I really like you with the shoulder bob. It looks thick and healthy, and it looks good on you! But again, I also like it long.

And as for your step-mom... What a bitch.

:)

[kat]

girly you are gorgeous! my hair is rediculously long right now as I'm afraid to do anything dumb to it before the wedding. i don't think your hair looks hippy-ish long, but it looks real cute short in a bob too, so you can't go wrong. i know sometimes it can be a great shift to cut off a lot of hair. i did locks of love a couple years ago, i found a great stylist through the locks of love website who did a free haircut for me (and did a great job, so I gave her a very nice tip.)

[Alexandra]

I shudder when I think of children having to endure such stepmothers. Every person is entitled to two loving parents and I have never understood how some parents, step or otherwise, could be so hurtful. And as for hair? I don't think one is ever to old to have long hair, not if you love it and enjoy it. (& thank you for your sweet comment recently!!! It meant a lot to me, so nice to come home to at the end of a long, long day! xo)

[Janet]

Your long hair is so gorgeous, so glam. I certainly don't think that long hair is just for very young women either. As a longhair myself, I know how easy it is to style but I also know how good and light it feels to have it all cut off. Am contemplating this at some point myself. Your hair stories made me so sad, sigh.

Whatever you do with your hair, you'll still be beautiful. Your pictures show this.

[Andrea]

I am new to your web site. I've been reading for about 2 weeks now. I have to tell you that I love your hair. Its very feminine and I love the way it shapes your face. It was very sad to read about what your step mother did and it seems like your dad didn't do anything to stop it. I am very sorry you went through that.
Just my two cents for you.
LOVE LOVE LOVE the last picture in the post.

[Cate]

I loved the journey through time re: your hair! You have always been (and still are) so adorable! I like your "bob" pictures so much--can't wait to see your new look!

Two years ago, I cut my hair Winona Ryder short. It's a little longer than that, now, but with the cut came a whole new level confidence. I may not be conventionally "pretty," but I am so comfortable in my own style and skin!

Thanks for this post.

P.S. I love what Deb wrote about shaving your stepmother's head. Agreed!